


Giants In The Sky

by stardustandswimmingpools



Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Jewish Character, Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Judaism, Literal Sleeping Together, Self-Esteem Issues, Theology, and they have school tomorrow, as per tradition here at stardustandswimmingpools ao3, but in my defense, does any of that make sense? no, listen i like jews!!!, nothing in any of the glee canon writing makes sense, so i don't remember what it is a coda for, so take that, that's a weird tag that i've never used, they're in separate beds but it's an established routine, this is probably a coda but i wrote it a full year and a half ago, time and canon bubble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 12:24:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustandswimmingpools/pseuds/stardustandswimmingpools
Summary: "Doyoubelieve in God?" Puck replies."I did," Rachel says, muffled, into his neck.





	Giants In The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> if you're thinking "well this scenario is moderately unrealistic", i know it is. i know that. set it aside. suspension of disbelief. anyway - i liked puck and rachel's brief relationship in season 1 and i'm a sucker for judaism, so here's something for that.  
> title is from "Giants In The Sky" from Into The Woods, which I have never seen nor listened to, but the title felt appropriate.

The mattress dips in the dark as the silhouette he knows is Rachel perches on the edge of the bed. Groggily, Puck sits up. What the hell is she doing up? It's three in the morning. Sleep time. Puckerman needs his beauty rest. (Okay, in the past he has pulled all-nighters playing Halo, but he's a changed man. In some ways.)  
  
"Babe, why are you awake?" he whispers. His throat feels scratchy.   
  
Rachel turns her head and whispers back, "I didn't mean to wake you." Which is very clearly a lie. If she hadn't wanted to wake him, she would've stayed in her own bed. See? He's getting good at reading her.   
  
He sighs. "Did you need something?" Because if not, he's gonna send her back to bed. There's school tomorrow. Girlfriend or not, he has to be at the top of his game to maintain his aura of fear at school.   
  
Rachel fidgets, which Puck knows means she wants to request something but doesn't want to seem too forward. He waits patiently.   
  
"Can — could I sleep in your bed?"   
  
He would like to grunt at her and tell her to get over it, but he's her boyfriend now, and boyfriends don't do that. He also wants to say that this is a twin bed, no space for another body, but her voice is so small Puck figures something must be wrong. And if something is wrong, his job as boyfriend is to fix it. She's little, anyway; it's not like he's sharing a bed with Finn. Fucking Neanderthal. Also, Rachel looks so damn cute in her tank top and pajama pants. Who the hell even wears pajama pants? Pajama pants are for suckers. Still, she looks adorable.   
  
_Don't get soft, Puck_ , he warns himself, but he knows it's too late. He got soft the moment he agreed to be Rachel's boyfriend. And fuck that noise; he wouldn't want it any other way. If that's cliché, well, bite him.   
  
"Yeah," he finally allows, and lifts up the covers as he scoots over. Rachel climbs underneath and curls around Puck, her head nestled into the crook of his neck, and he's reminded why, despite all of her flaws and irritating qualities, he's dating Rachel Berry. Protectiveness washes over him.   
  
"You good?" He asks, and she looks up at him. His eyes are slowly adjusting to the dark, and he can see her face. It looks...tearstained.   
  
Stupid, stupid Puck, for sleeping through his girlfriend crying. What kind of a shitty boyfriend does that? Stupid.   
  
She sniffles but doesn't answer him for a minute. So he kisses her forehead and hugs her small body to his chest and lets his eyes flutter shut.   
  
But a minute later she whispers, "Noah, do you believe in God?"   
  
Puck would be irritated that she woke him again, except he actually struggles to answer her with a witty comeback. God is a weird concept. Does he believe there's some big dude up there with a Gandalf beard and a freakin' staff, moving people like puppets and inventing the universe? Seems unlikely. He wants to believe that. Well, kind of.   
  
The thing is, Puck hates authority. They don't understand him. God is the ultimate authoritative figure, and if he's up there pulling strings on Puck's life, that means Puck is forced to follow a path he doesn't even know exists. And that sucks, to think that even the things that are in his control are technically out of his control. He likes to think he can decide his fate, to some extent.   
  
"Nah," he settles on. "Why?"   
  
Maybe she would want to hear what he really thinks about God, but that's a story for another day. If she asks, maybe.   
  
Rachel sniffles again and presses her face into his shoulder, not unlike a cat. Puck loves to compare Rachel to a cat. She's always doing this, nudging him with her head or curling up into him. A sleepy Rachel Berry is basically a kitten. Maybe Rachel's first Broadway show will be _Cats_ .   
  
The fact that he even knows that a Broadway show called _Cats exists_ is too depressing. Rachel's rubbing off on him.   
  
"I guess it's just..." Her voice is soft and sweet in the dark, not cutting or harsh or unpleasant. He tangles her hair between his fingers and thinks about how lame it is that doing this still makes his heart beat like crazy. "We're both Jewish. We were taught to believe in God."   
  
Puck doesn't answer. What he thinks is, _my mom only ever taught me about how shitty the Nazis were_ , but he keeps quiet.   
  
"But it kind of feels like he's not really up there," she finishes.   
  
"Do _you_ believe in God?" Puck replies.   
  
"I did," Rachel says, muffled, into his neck. It makes him shiver. She twists so she's laying on her back and he leans onto his left arm so he can look at her. "My dads always told me that God was letting people do their thing, seeing how it played out. That he didn't want to interfere. But — he didn't make humans so we would slaughter and hate and slander and hurt," she says hopelessly. "If he's out there, and can see us like this, why doesn't he step in?"   
  
Puck wouldn't have a good answer for that with his brain at full power, but a sleepy Puckerman? Yeah, no chance. He definitely can't help. "Beats me," he says. He's conscious that he's being a dick, kind of, but he's mostly just tired. The things he sacrifices for his girlfriend.   
  
Then, so it doesn't seem like he doesn't notice stuff about her, he says, "Why were you crying?"   
  
She bites her lip and Puck pushes down the thought of how freaking sexy that is. If she doesn't want to tell him, fine. But at least she can't say he didn't try.   
  
Her eyes meet his in the velvety darkness. "I know I act like I'm superior to everyone, and in many ways I am," she tells him, and Puck is ready to roll his eyes and call this a night. Except then: "But I sometimes wish I didn't exist."   
  
Well. If there's one way to get his attention.   
  
"What the hell? Why not? You're awesome, Rachel," he says quickly.   
  
"Maybe." She sighs and her lower lip trembles a little. "But I hate how I get, sometimes, about being a star and all. You know everyone in Glee club cares more about each other than making it anywhere — well, except Quinn, maybe — but I...I'm terrible."   
  
"You aren't," Puck insists.   
  
"I hate that I get so serious about being a star and being famous and getting to Broadway," she continues. "If I met me, I would _hate_ me. I don't understand why you like me and I know most of the people in Glee really don't care for me. And feeling like that is just the worst: like you know everyone hates you, but that doesn't matter anyway, as long as you make it big. And so I wish I didn't exist. Because I hate who I am sometimes."   
  
Tears brim in her eyes and spill over, soaking into the pillow. She blinks them away, sniffles, wipes her eyes with the heel of her palm.   
  
"Rachel, seriously?" Puck says, and cups a hand around her face. "Yeah, you can be annoying, but we all love to be around you."   
  
"No you don't," she mumbles.   
  
"Yeah, we do," Puck counters. "Otherwise we would all quit. Rachel, you're the heart of the Glee club. Without you, everything sounds bad. Trust me, we've been there."   
  
"It's only because I sing better than everyone," she says quietly.   
  
Puck valiantly refrains from rolling his eyes. " _No_ ," he says, "it's because without you we all get depressed. You keep us alive, babe. Trust me. I didn't give a fuck about Glee until I realized you...were, like, a big part of it. And then I couldn't stand the idea of leaving."   
  
Rachel falls silent and Puck thinks he's a cheesy, lame, stupid boy. But he's badass enough to get his girl to stop crying.   
  
He presses a kiss to her lips. "Hey, why did you ask me about God?"   
  
"I always learned that God made everyone the way they are for a reason," Rachel says, and turns over on her side, facing him. "I was wondering if he made me like I am for a reason. If he doesn't exist, then there's no reason for me to exist either."   
  
It sounds so damn matter-of-fact when she says it like that, and Puck pulls her closer and says, "Hey, stop with this suicidal I-don't-deserve-to-exist bullshit. Alright? Glee club loves you. Schuester loves you. I love you. It —"   
  
Well, whoops.   
  
Rachel pulls back a little and meets his eyes. "What?"   
  
"Nothing," Puck mutters. "Listen, I'm telling you you deserve to exist. So trust me."   
  
"You said you love me," Rachel says.   
  
_Yeah, duh,_ Puck thinks. "No I didn't."   
  
"Yes you did."   
  
And Puck wants to say _well how could I not? You wear pajama pants and you look cute. You talk a mile a minute and I still listen, somehow. Your fashion choices are almost worse than Ladyface but you're the hottest girl I've ever met. You won't go past first base with me but I would literally marry you anyway. You wake me up at three in the fucking morning to ask me about God and tell me you hate yourself and all I want is to rock you back to sleep and promise everything will be fine. So yeah, Rachel Berry. I love you._   
  
Instead he jerks his head, sort of noncommittal, and says, "I might love you, or something."   
  
Rachel snuggles closer to him and he wraps an arm around her shoulders and shifts back onto his pillow. "I love you, too," she whispers against his shirt, and then kisses his arm.   
  
He feels her eyelashes flutter on his skin as she closes her eyes, and before he knows it she's breathing steady, and Puck thinks to himself, I am so gone.   
  
He will need to have a serious man-to-man talk with Finn tomorrow about how to be in love with Rachel Berry.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! My tumblr is [@vivilevone](http://vivilevone.tumblr.com) and you're welcome to stop by and chat whenever.


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